10- Inside Llewnyn Davis
For my controversial pick of the year, and probably making lot of people stop reading once I say this, it’s Inside Llewnyn davis
I cannot wrap my head around why this hit so many top best lists, I just can’t, especially high numbers like it did,
They say it depicts the harshness of life and a tragic character, and I say no, Search For Happiness did that and its one of my favorite films, this film shows you a unlikable character that cant make a single good decision in his life, that’s not reality its damn near comedic exaggeration. He is not a interesting guy, and not that tragic, lot people will say but hes homeless, and I’m like no he’s not, he never once spends a night in anywhere uncomfortable he never goes hungry and he constantly seems to be getting jobs to live with , this movie is pointless it has little to no moral and it ends with a joke not exactly the pinnacle of drama, nothing about this movie worked for me until I knew people were gonna love it, its choice of a subculture like folk, its really well done cinematography I knew this was a film people would call an artistic accomplishment or something like that well here on pure news we do just what the name implies we given you pure truth and pure opinions so take from that what you will.
9- A Good day to Die Hard
It took one of the most iconic action movie franchises and turned into a cheap run of the mill action film with plenty of explosions and invincible heroes, well you get the slow clap of shame for that one movie good freaking job, at least Bruce Willis salvaged it from complete disaster but come on why don’t you go remake Romeo and Juliet with vampires while your at it? you can turn anything into cliche if you don’t try at all, whats next a robo..cop…remake……right…moving on.
8 – Paranoia
Here’s a movie that I actually didn’t review but my colleague who did said all that needed to be said about this film. there’s few things that annoy me more than a wasted opportunity and with its star power and premise, paranoia definitely fits that category, you got Harrison ford and Gary Oldman and a premise about paranoia and media control and the fanaticism and competitive nature of companies and you turn it into this, put a boring actor as your main lead and remove all instances of philosophy or interesting dilemmas and then you get a bore fest like this, well freaking done paranoia.
7 – Man Of Steel
Goddamn this film, I’m gonna do something I don’t usually do and give some spoilers so if you don’t want to see them just skip to the next number and I’ll say here that I regret the score I gave this film more than any other score on this site.
it comes down to this (spoiler) Superman commits genocide!!! bloody freaking genocide, he is not smart not clever doesn’t sacrifice himself for others and probably kills more people than the villains and he commits genocide on his entire freaking race, don’t believe me go see for yourself .when superman takes it upon himself to destroy his sleeping race, to wipe out his own species just because and I quote!! “They had their chance” That is not superman!! That is bull crap and poor writing and stupidity all around screw this film, Superman is not the boy-scout everyone who doesn’t read superman thinks he is, he is bad ass and freaking smart okay, and nothing and I mean nothing like this film makes him out to be, i dread superman vs batman and i slap myself in the face for giving it a positive score because of effects and fight scenes, what the hell was I thinking and what the hell where the people who made this film thinking.
6 – Gravity
Turning on the rage switch fast and hard.
Gravity, so technically another controversial pick, if you didn’t stop reading at number 10 you probably will now, but I cant help it, I hate this film, I hate it, I wasted an iMax ticket on it, okay let me tell you something I said when I saw Avatar, Visuals don’t make a film, you need at least a average story, for god’s sake its not that hard, but Felix you moron this is a film for effects and visuals, well then I say , don’t make a film, make a 50 minute feature with little to no story to show off today’s technology, not this, not this, this film is boring, at times racist, predictable, poorly and lazily written, makes 90 minutes feel like 120 minutes, wastes good actors, and worst of all, wastes a completely fine story line, this film wanted to have a story about rebirth, it really did and there’s symbology to prove it, but it wasn’t done well at all, It was poorly written so the motivation wasn’t there, important things for characters are not mentioned well enough or focused on enough to give some actual emotion to this film, goddammit make a action film if you dint want emotion, make Armageddon that would show off some special effects and recreate the feeling of being in space, which yes looked really cool and the destruction while overused was good and the perspectives the camera shots the continuous shots, all fine and good but it lacked anything resembling impact or feeling, I was looking down at the earth and I dint feel anything no sense of wonder no sense of marvel and why ? because the characters dint feel it, because these filmmakers think its more important to show you pretty things than to give you a reason to find them pretty, its not the worst Sci Fi(if you can even call it that, pretty much all of this stuff exists, but who am I to argue with imdb?) movie I’ve seen, not even the worst of the year, and some might just find it okay, or acceptable, and of course there are those who find it a masterpiece and its being nominated for film of the year, well for once I don’t care, I’m here to tell you that if you haven’t seen it, it doesn’t live up to the hype, but who knows most people don’t agree with me so maybe you wont either, I just urge you to not waste your money because something looks nice okay, I hate this film, moving on.
At number 5 Another top contender for worst Sci Fi film of the year.
What do I even say about this? How can anyone take it seriously? How is this suppose to be dramatic…Okay first of all what kills this film? The Villain, my god the Villain, this freaking guy is so detestable so goddamn revoltingly bad that its sad really, in a good villain your angry at the villain and in a bad villain like this Krueger, your angry at the people who wrote him, this guy is a joke to villains and to characters in general, okay first of all that rocket launcher that shoots into space is stupid and impossible anyway you think it, even if its plausible or if you want to give some explanation for it, shut up, look at whats happening on screen, this is the equivalent of having a man in front of you and you call a guy from across the world to hit a baseball so hard that it flies halfway across the world and takes his head off, Krueger was not likable or bad ass like the movie wanted you to think, he was just this douche bag walking around with a freaking katana…A katana? Really…Really? What the hell are you doing film, you are not cyberpunk, and if you want to be cyberpunk than just freaking be cyberpunk, its so stupid that he wields a Sci Fi looking katana where did he get that ? he probably had it custom made online along with…exploding shuriken ? Really…It’s in the film I swear its like 5 seconds but its there, shuriken…Sigh I don’t need to explain why this is stupid do I? So the villain is horrible but what makes the film make the list besides him ? well its more than a little cheesy and cliche, honestly i really did like the ending and the Matt Damon character, this film had potential and it wasted it, in case you haven’t been able to tell already. I hate wasted potential, it just falls short on nearly everything it tries to do and the idea of Elysium itself, is just stupid, rich french people that are evil ? i guess…just rich so douche bags obviously right ? Not like they have family’s and all that…so they left earth because it was to dirty, and they made something called a medic deck, which heals anything, anything, and they keep it for themselves and are surprised when people try to break in ? Are you retarded? package that thing sell it for as much as you want and you have enough money to build 50 Elysiums’s, someone wake up the writers please…
4 – Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
We have a idea dead from the start.
Where did this genre come from? Why is it here, I don’t know i just hate it, why don’t you make a Dark Tarzan while your at it? You made Snow White, Snow freaking White and the thing is all of this films aren’t that bad, they are just okay, but it’s the idea that counts, I just don’t like it its perverse even, Classic story’s are messed up I give you that, but they are messed up in their own way there’s a difference you know from the subtext of rape in red riding hood to the gruesome deaths, to having Hansel and Gretel wielding guns shooting down witches and giving witty banter…It’s just..Why ? Because it’s cool no its not, you don’t see people giving Teletubies The Terminator jacket and a shotgun, no one wants to see Tintin cut someones throat in war, no one wanted to see snow white turned into a medieval war film with Kristen freaking Stewart, you know what other movie this director made ? Død snø, a Nazi zombie movie look if you wanna do it right, try Wolf Among Us or something, I’ve heard that’s great, the Once Upon a Time series doesn’t look horrible from the trailers, thought it very well might be, just stop making these films, please, and Hawkeye, get another job man, this is bellow you.
3- Iron Man 3
Entering the unholy trinity at number 3.
We have the unavoidable, Iron Man 3.
I’m done talking about this film okay I really am, our review was very under the influence of watching the film and just getting all that hype crushed so its not our best, and very possibly one of our worst, but the points remain, there’s lot of things wrong with this film and most of it surprisingly comes down to Shane Black, It screams Shane Black when it should scream marvel, not to mention Shane Black’s horrible responses to fans upon complaining about the film and I’ll quote ” ”Yeah Mr.Shane Black we are doing just that, and it is stupid, that’s why marvel is completely backpedaling the story with the short All hail the king right? Bravo Mr.black, bra freaking vo..you made a boring action film with more plot holes than Christmas references. I’m not saying keeping Tony vulnerable was a bad idea, I’m not saying showing his human side was a bad idea, I’m saying you fumbled it, all of the people in this film couldn’t get up and go”this is really stupid guys” about halfway thorough the film its like the stupid switch is turned on, because so many bad things happen so fast,first of all tony emotional struggle and panic attacks are out the window turned into a joke and never mentioned again, “Marvel can rein me in all they want, but I’m not going to go to Marvel and say, ‘How can I make your hero less realistic and more heroic so it suits Disney’s needs?’- Shane Black ,so what about the suit plot holes why he just dint get another suit once Jarvis was online or made them set up watch for the terrorist coming to his house and all, or why he insisted on using the prototype that is probably the worst stupid he ever made, the stupids fall apart like butter and they said its because of Extremis big bloody temperature, if your so insistent on realism you should have tony stark burn to death from being that close to 30000 degrees Celsius or whatever it was, here have another nitpick, iron patriot has this big gun on his back that he never shoots, never even fights in the film besides when a terrorist takes over the suit, what a goddamn joke, but really every time I talk about this film I feel tired and stupid, everyone already said all that’s bad about it, if you still like it well more power to you, I’ll stick with Thor 2 and you stick with this, lets all be happy.
Here’s a movie that doesn’t seem to want us to be happy.
2- After Earth
Welcome to the worst Sci Fi film of the year and I have a name for you, one name…M.Night Shyamalan.
It’s After Earth, you know its sad, when in order to make a movie marketable everyone in the marketing department agrees to that your name off every single cover, I think that’s the time you need to rethink your life,This guy, what can i say about this guy, he makes horrible movies and he keeps on doing them, unlikable characters, boring, just badly written, stupid plot elements, he made Devil okay, freaking devil, and you expect him to make a good Sci Fi movie, no of course he cant, he just cant, how do you take will smith one of the most charismatic actors I know and turn him into this ? Well M.Night Shyamalan, he took Mark Walhberg and turned him into The Happening dint he ? This film has made one of our editors quit less than halfway thorough it, that is not that common at all, It’s some feat its accomplished, all I can say to Shyamalan is, start making hilariously bad movies again, and stop ruining two good actors, Jayden probably got his career smashed because of this, not that many people will feel sorry for him after this performance but how can you blame the actor with Shyamalan in command ? i just don’t know, worst than gravity because gravity was at least visually interesting, worst than Elyisum because Elysium at least had one good character and a decent ending, have a award for worst Sci Fi movie of the year and shyamalan whatever genre you choose to get next let me know so i can start carving your name on the side of that worst film of the year trophy as well.
1- Pain and Gain
And at long last, we have arrived at the unholy crown jewel of 2014, there was no other choice when I thought about it.
Michael god damn bay, I dint want to give you this much attention.
I don’t wanna talk about this film,I don’t wanna think about it, I don’t even want to acknowledge it’s existence, and every goddamn time someone says they like it I cant help but give this death stare of absolute dread, every time I think about it it gets worse and worse, and the score gets lower in my head, its worthless, it’s less than worthless its vile diseased piece of everything that’s wrong and sick about human decadence, everything someone says they need to see it to see how bad it is it i say and continue to say no, for gods sake don’t see this film,I know that makes you want to see this but please save your brain from having to holster these memories, you have more important things to put in there, not pain and gain, I thank Dwayne the rock Johnson for helping me go thorough this film and i hope he makes some better career choices down the line because Dwayne Johnson as a future in comedy if he plays his cards right, joining Michael Bay was not a good move, please rethink it, read our review if you want to know the plot or more details , I cant bring myself to talk about it anymore, this movie makes so many people spin in their graves that its probably caused a thousand earthquakes already, i never wanted to join the Michael Bay hate bandwagon, to me he just made shitty transformers films and i could live with that, now…its personal, see you in the teenage mutant…alien ninja turtles Mr.Bay your day of reckoning is soon upon us.
So that’s it, all said and done,almost a year we have spent with you guys, living and learning,a lot of learning, we have our One Year Anniversary in March, we have had our ups and downs haven’t we well for all of you readers out there, I hope you had a great new years and that 2014 treats us all well, we may seem like we are gone sometimes and reviews may fall thorough the cracks, but we will never stop bringing you the Pure News.